10/31/2011

Today, we had our English midterm, which had around 130 questions to do. It was insanely hard and detailed. I finally understand the importance of having sufficient sleep the night before tests. Last night, even though I was sick, I still slept at 2 in the morning and had around 5 hours of sleep. For a sick person, that is obviously not enough of sleep. Before the test, when we saw the teacher talking about the test with the test papers stacked on the table, my jaw fell open. There were 24 pages if i didn't remember wrong. During the test, my head ached so bad especially when I found out that I didn't know so many questions. I almost fell asleep in some occasions. This test is really hard, seeing how much questions there were to do in such limited time. Many people didn't finish it and guessed the rest. Although I finished the test, there really were many questions that I wasn't sure about. Even in the vocabulary section, I spent so much time on it yesterday, but I still wasn't sure about at least question. There was one that I wasn't sure whether it was stellar or luminous since both of them seemed to fit in the context.

10/30/2011

Tomorrow is the start of the midterm week. There will be only one midterm tomorrow, but it's English. God knows how hard it will be. According to what I copied down from what the teacher said the test will be about and also to what my friends did, the test would be on 9 stories and all the vocabulary and literary terms. The literary terms aren't that hard, I think that the hard part of this test would especially be the vocabulary since there are around 70 vocabulary in total I believe. Although I had a lot of them memorized before, my memory doesn't last too long and I forgot a lot of the harder and more unusual ones already. The worst thing that happened was that I caught a cold and had a fever last night. Today, I feel better but I still have a headache and a running nose. I had to spend a lot more effort trying to memorize them since my brain wouldn't function correctly, and I spent a lot of my time in the bed too. Also, stories became really complicated after a while since you don't know what details will be in the test. I hope that I can do well in the test, especially in Biology since it's so important.

10/27/2011

Today was the halloween event in our school. It was very tiring for the student council members since all the events were thought, designed, and made by us, but it was a success. During the last class in the morning, all the student council members were called to go help out with the set ups and putting the things in the fear factor boxes. There were four boxes that contained, worms with squid, organs, corn starch mixed with hair, and left overs. The first three boxes had a golden marble inside, and contestants had to find them within a minute to pass to the next level. And in the final box, there were a lot of marbles that had different colors that meant different things. The reactions of people putting their hands in the box was ridiculously funny. They didn't know what was inside and the feeling of the objects inside made many of them curse out loud. All of the audiences had so much fun watching people play and scream. Also, the haunted house was pretty awesome too. Last year, I kept pulling Annie and screaming, not letting her walk, but this year, Esther was the one screaming. It was pretty scary, but it really wasn't THAT scary. It was quite funny listening to her scream though. This year's event is really fun and I enjoyed it even though it took up a lot of our energy.

10/26/2011

"Sometimes it's better to be alone, because no one can hurt you." - Anonymous. I saw this quote on a Facebook page and I totally agree with it. The people that can hurt you the most are the people that are the closest to you. Although isolating yourself seems a bit like a loner, but to be honest, it's really a very good way to make sure that no one can hurt you. Who would hurt someone that didn't do anything to them? Who would ever hurt someone that they don't know? And even if they wanted to, they might not know what hurts them the most and wouldn't affect you. Also, seeing the people that were the closest to you turn their backs against you could be one of the most painful mental injuries. In a song from Cascada, there's a part of it that says "What hurts the most, was being so close, and having so much to say, and watching you walk away". I could totally agree with this. People that were once close to you are of course people that you could chat with and talk about everything to. But when they turn their backs and walk away from you, it's the most painful thing that could possibly happen to a person I believe.

10/25/2011

Today, I feel like I would die of exhaustion in any second. I slept at some time around 1:30 last night, which wasn't particularly late. Although it wasn't really late, classes today required a lot of energy. The classes were Geometry, Biology, Stage Art and Spanish III. Geometry, Biology and Spanish are classes that are definitely energy-taking, and even though Stage Art doesn't really require our brains to be working, it requires us to be focused in order to sew the right things together in the right way. After school, there was the student council meeting that talked about basically the schedule for what we'll be doing on the halloween event's day. After I went home, it was around 6 o'clock and I took a rest and started homework. Really quickly, 8 o'clock came and i had to go to oboe class. The teacher was really strict as usual, which made the already-exhausted me become a person that was walking like someone without a skeleton. And when I got home, it was around 9:30, which only let me have around 15 minutes to rest and then have another class on the Internet. It's the EPGY class, which course I'm taking now is pretty hard for me and requires a lot of thinking about concentration. Tuesdays are basically killing me.

10/24/2011

Again, Biology is killing me. ADP, ATP, The Krebs Cycle, Electron Transport... and all those other things are driving me crazy. I haven't understood the previous chapter yet, and the teacher is already giving out homework for the next chapter. Everything's mixing up in my brain, and since there are a lot of chemistry involved actually, which I totally suck at. Just trying to understand a tiny part of the chapter takes up almost all of my time, and there are tons of parts still waiting. I'm actually quite scared that someday my body wouldn't be able to support myself. I've been sleeping really late these days. The latest these days was at 5 o'clock in the morning. I admit that I wasn't studying all the time, but the majority of the time, I was studying. I really want to get good grades, but it feels like the more I want it, the harder it gets. Now I'm really depressed and I don't know what to do. I don't feel like studying and I tried to go to sleep, but it's just not possible. I stare at the ceiling, not being able to fall asleep.

10/23/2011

This summer, I'm planning on making a program in which some students in PAS will be teaching English to students in elementary schools that aren't that advanced and may not have the money to send their children to cram schools to study English. But since English is such an important language nowadays, I feel that the students in those places could be people like Steve Jobs or people that can make a change to the world in the future, but they just don't have the opportunity to learn such an important language, which would probably take away the chance of him/her to succeed in the future. They might still succeed, but since English is so important, people often say that if you don't know English you won't be able to succeed, since no boss would want to hire a person that can't speak English. I know that making a camp like this is very tiring and would cost us money, but I believe that not only the kids would gain benefits, us students that go there and teach them would definitely gain something useful too. We could learn about how different people think and find out how we always get what we want, while those kids have to work so much harder than we need to to get it. I believe that it'll be worth it.

10/20/2011

These days, things are just pure chaotic. It feels like the world is tearing apart. I know that what I've done was really bad, and I'm not going to deny the fact that I've done it and hurt people, but I really do want to change. I did the same mistake before and I promised that I would change, but stupidly, I did it again. This time, not only the people I hurt got angry at me, one of my best friends that always listens to me got angry too and decided almost not to talk to me until I show that I really changed. I really regret doing everything I've done, but I guess, what's done is done, and regretting now would make a difference. The only way of making a difference would be to change myself and really know that the consequences of doing some actions will be unforgivable. Also, knowing how hurt some people were, made me feel even more guilty and no one really knows how much pain I'm suffering too. Everyone feels sorry for the people that were hurt, but really, no ones feels sorry for the people that did the hurting, no matter how sorry or how sad or how much they regret from doing it.

10/19/2011

Today I was writing the climax of my ghost story alone at home. Although mine isn't the most creepiest story ever, but in my head, I had a lot of images and since there weren't people in my house, all I heard was the wind and things that the wind blew on to things that made creepy sounds. I know that it's just wind, but being alone in such a big house makes me think about horror movies that I've watched, which would totally freak me out. I'm the kind of girl that loves to watch horror movies and scare myself to death at night especially when I'm alone at home. Back to the first topic about the ghost story. I really liked my idea of the ghost story, and I had a lot of scenes and images in my head, but it's just that I don't know a lot of vocabulary that could possibly make my story follow the way I want it too, so the descriptions often become really repetitive and the should-be-scary story changes into a quite boring one. I guess the only way to improve my writing the most is to memorize more vocabulary.

10/18/2011

Today, could be one of my most chaotic day in years. It's quite personal, so I won't be talking about it in detail. But basically, it's that I did something wrong that is really unforgivable. To the person I hurt, that person felt that I betrayed him/her. I really regret everything that I've done, but I really think that nothing much could be done to make that person feel better now. Now thinking about it, I really feel like jumping off the building. I've never regretted doing something more than this. I am really frustrated and depressed right now but I don't know what to do to change things and make up what I've done. Some people suggested me to leave him/her alone, some people suggested me to write him/ her an apology letter. But since the person's friend told me not to even say hi to him at school, and that it's impossible for him/her to forgive me. I really don't know what to do now and it's not that I'm trying to extend the length of my blog post, it's just that there's nothing other than the things i've just said in my mind now. I would really want to apologize, but things really are so complicated that I don't know what to do, what to think and what actions to do. I'm really afraid that if I make one more wrong decision, things will get worse and there won't be any more chance to make what I've done up.

10/17/2011

Today, I did an action that I never thought that I would ever do. This epic action is that I deactivated my facebook account. I've been spending way too much time on it and I know it. Before, I kept saying to myself that it's ok to be using facebook since I was still in middle school. But because being on facebook allows me to be able to know about the information that people are posting right away, I got way too addicted to facebook that the first website I open everyday is facebook, when I do homework I un-noticingly open the facebook page and the total amount of time that I'm on facebook, including when I'm using my phone when I'm not at home would be something around 5 hours I think. Because of facebook, I often get distracted and have to finish homework at really late at night. Now that I've deactivated my account, I hope that I will be able to concentrate better and be able to have more time to do things that I enjoy doing For example, listen to music and not being afraid that it will distract me from doing homework or probably have a laugh at funny youtube videos. And the best of all is that I might be able to go to bed early, which I've not been doing for quite a long time already.

10/16/2011

This weekend I really did nothing. Really, writing these blog posts make me depressed. It really feels like my life is just so boring that everything I write about overlaps, and I really have nothing that's exciting that happens. Today, I went to Taipei, which I normally go to every Sundays for orchestra practice. I've skipped many classes already because of swimming competitions, family issues and a lot of other reasons, so today when I went there, I really forgot every song. Actually, thinking about the orchestra, I really don't want to go there anymore. I've been there for two years already, but all my friends have left. Literally, all of them left. Now, none of the people in the orchestra are people that I've known for two years. Even the teacher changed. It's not that I don't want to make friends with other people, but it's that things just changed too much and I guess I don't really like getting used to changes like this. It's easier for me to make friends in school since we meet almost everyday, but it's harder to make friends in the orchestra since I don't go there every week, and even if I did, we only meet up once a week. Now, in the orchestra, I just talk to the people that I know a bit, but I'm just so different than I normally am.

10/13/2011

Nothing interesting really happened in school today. I'm in the sofa area right now and I really don't know what to write about today. I have a lot of things to think about which actually made me unable to sleep at night. I had a lot less homework yesterday and I was able to sleep at 11 o'clock last night, which was actually something quite rare. I've been sleeping at 2 for a lot of days already. I had to do homework till so late and since I have also music classes, student council things to do, local school's math to study, and also swimming practices to worry about. But, even though I got on bed at 11, I fell asleep at 2. Just thinking about all those things make me feel really annoyed and worried. Too many things are happening all at once and I feel like I'm going to collapse in any second. I'm not really complaining about anything, but it could make me totally loose the eagerness to sleep for three hours. It's quite ridiculous. And also, these days, it feels like I'm about to get sick, but I just don't really have any real symptoms. I keep having headaches and wants to throw up all the time, but after a while, those feelings disappear, so I really have no idea about what's going on with my body. All I know is that I'm feeling really uncomfortable.

10/12/2011

Today in history class, we watched videos clips of anti- slavery commercials. The first one we watched was really touching and I felt so depressed and wanted to cry. It talked about how children were taken away when young, and female ones were raped or else they would be tortured by electricity shocks. They had to serve around 30 men everyday. Just thinking about living a life like that makes me feel really bad. I'm living such a wonderful life and sometimes not being grateful about it, when people around the world are suffering from this kind of torture. Afterwards, we read an article about Missing children in China. The rate was incredibly high. The government of China say that there are 10,000 kids kidnapped per year, but other countries estimate that there are actually around 70,000 kids. The Chinese government only counts the cases in which the children are found and have proof that they did get kidnapped. And they say that it's a fact that the more deformed a child is, the more money they get when they beg. So, almost all of them that come back are deformed. Also, it's almost impossible to find them back since the handlers are so smart that they take the kids to a far away place and the family wouldn't have a way to track them down. This is so depressing. Imagine your own kid being taken away and tortured. How would you be able to eat or even sleep? Knowing that your kid is suffering in the exact moment you're eating would make you loose your appetite almost immediately. I guess I wouldn't be able to do anything about it, but I believe that the Chinese government should be making websites and posting commercials on TV to increase public awareness about this issue.

10/11/2011

Today we had a freshmen meeting about christmas performance after school in the auditorium. Yesterday, someone told me that some students were saying that our meetings were pointless and were a waste of time. Just thinking about that makes me angry. Being class reps, Jasper and I spent a lot of time trying to make our show work well and we even started the discussion of the performance a lot earlier than other grades because we wanted ours to be the best, and not to feel embarrassed like last year. They say that we're not being productive, but the main reason is actually because whenever Jasper and I ask questions about the performance and ask for suggestions, no one really gives us feedback and just sit there and stare at us blankly. How are we supposed to be productive if no one gives us suggestions. Jasper and I aren't machines that produce good ideas about performances. To be honest, the person that told me about it is stupid too. They could go around and tell anyone, but telling this to one of the class reps would be really stupid. I don't know what we could do to make our class more organized and work together more as a group.

10/10/2011

Today is the 100th birthday of Taiwan. I didn't feel much difference other than the having boring news almost all day and that both of my parents don't have work today. There weren't parades in front of my house like Taipei, there weren't music playing all day long like other places and there weren't fireworks. As usual, my family woke up, my brother studies in his school and I study at home. It's just feels like living Sunday two times. Actually, writing all these blog posts make me feel depressed. It feels like I'm living a really boring life and the blog posts I post are really boring and meaningless. Anyways, back to the topic of the birthday of Taiwan. I saw a really creative status post on facebook today that says that even though there's a 60 years old country trying to attack us always, he believes that we'll win since we're older than them. Of course, the 60 year old country is China. This would be funnier if it's in Chinese, but this would kind of be the best translation I could do.

10/05/2011

Today, my legs were itching so bad again and whenever a person sees my legs, they gasp with amazement.  They gasp, not in a good way, because the bites were so swollen that they were larger than a 50 dollar coin. During the history class in the morning, I really couldn't stop scratching it and I couldn't concentrate. It was not a good sign since I only have a B+ now, and my goal is to at least get an A. If I don't do well on a test, I wonder how I'm going to get an A. After lunch, it was expository writing. It started itching so bad again and I couldn't stand but to go to the office and ask for ice packs. Then, when Frank, Ms. Sherry, and Ms. Michelle saw my leg, they really freaked out, and Ms. Monica gave me some pills to take. It felt better, but the bites were still humongous. When I got home, I finished a lot of the homework and went to the doctor. The doctor didn't know what kind of bug bit me, but she said that my body's reaction to it is quite serious and if it doesn't recover after a week, I might have to go to the hospital. That freaked me out a bit, since I didn't know that it would become that serious.

10/4/2011

Today was quite a painful day because of all the mosquitoes that bit me during camp PAS. I don't know why, but they started to itch just today. They weren't as itchy a few days ago and not even yesterday. Today, I would die to stop them from itching. In total, there are more than 30 bites, but I'm not sure about the specific number since the number of bites are always different when I count them. During Spanish class, I kept moaning since I had to take notes, but my legs were itching so bad and because I wore jeans, it was so hard to scratch the itchy parts. I even didn't care about my reputation and pulled up my jeans to try to lessen the itchiness, but the bad thing was that many of the bites got scratched too bad that already broke.  I've been writing this blog post for more than 20 minutes already because I really can't focus on anything, and I'm soaking my legs in cold water so that they won't itch as much and that I won't scratch them as often. It's really a painful thing to have that many bites on my legs. Next year, I guess that I'll have to bear with the stickiness of the mosquito repellant.

10/3/2011

Today is another boring day. Classes followed classes and the day ended without really knowing that it ended. Today could be counted as a miserable day actually. The weather was really cold but I didn't know it until I arrived at school. So, as usual, I wore shorts and a thin jacket. It was okay during classes, but after swim team practice, it was really not ok. It was raining and the wind was so strong. I have a bad habit of not drying my hair after swim practice since I shower again when I get home. Normally, when I leave the swimming pool, the car would normally be there, but today, I had to wait in the wind and rain for a while. I think that's the reason that I might've caught a cold. When I got home, I ate dinner and did a little of the TONS of biology homework, and passed out for half an hour. When I woke up, my head was so heavy and I felt so dizzy. I wanted to sleep some more, but when I remember the amazing amount of biology homework there is, I couldn't fall asleep at all. If someone asks me who the most insane teacher is in PAS now, I would definitely say Mr. Smart....

10/2/2011

This weekend, there was another swimming competition. This one is for the whole Hsinchu City and the first places would be able to attend the competition for the whole country. If I could, I wouldn't want to talk about this forever, since it's the most humiliating competition to me. Before, I've never been gotten a place lower than the fifth place, but this time, everything was so different. I swam the 50 meter and 200 meter freestyles, and I got the ninth place for the 50 meter and the last place for the 200 meter. It was so humiliating that I couldn't stop crying for quite a long time. Whenever I thought of it, my tears just kept pouring out. Although I could happily say that I've improved in the 50 meter dash, but I still didn't get into my goal, the first three places. I didn't even get into the first eight. Just writing this blog post makes me want to cry again. And for the 200 meter one, I got slower by one second. It may not seem like it's a lot, but to me, I feel like it's not a good thing to stay the same, and this time, it got even worse by slowing down. It really isn't a good sign, and I kept thinking of excuses to make myself feel happier, but I couldn't think of any. This time, I really felt humiliated, but next time, I swear that I'll get them back.